That mushy thing called love!

this thing of falling in love might seem to be very mushy and cheezy for many of us... until all these ones amongst us actually experience and feel it... well yeah even then there are many who still wont admit to it and like to play the tough one. But what for? it's something that needs to be experienced the way it is meant to be. you don't need to be tough when you are a teenager in love, do you? anyway, its all what you want to show the world and it's always up to you..

there's something that people presume about me when they hear am from Mumbai... it's more like people want to see what they have seen in movies about mumbai-born boys and gals. they want to see the ones who frequent pubs and discos, the ones that booze all day and do nothing but are spoilt brats and who don't mind a fuck about fucking anyone... there could be people would would really meet these expectations but am just something that would go in a direction opposite to those of these expectations.

i dont know if there is something that separates me from thinking of going in that direction. i guess its's the way i have seen what is out there... i am the mushy and cheezy kind. the one that wants to see his girl after he hears an old melody... the one who misses his girl when she is away.. it does seem stupid to a lot many and it actually might be.. but there is something in it that makes the feeling special...

i can perfectly be an example for the crazy-in-love kinds because the feeling of being head over heels for one particular girl fascinates me. it might be the strong influence that i feel my native place on me. i was there for the first five years of my life and i am proud of it. may be that is what attracts me to the kind of songs that i prefer listening... maybe that is what makes me watch the kind of movies that i watch... maybe that is what creates the emotional response that i have to stuff around me... maybe that is what defines the way my character has shaped... maybe that is what makes me what i am, because i believe that the first few year of a person's life pretty much creates an immovable impression in the subconscious mind that later develops consciously or unconsciously... what else could differentiate the basic thinking of a person from the other...

i sometimes feel if i could roll back in time to when being in love was not all complicated... i don't know what made it all this complicated as it is today.. they say communication is the most important part of maintaining a relationship.. may be that is what is lost today.. when the means to communicate has increased and improved so much, the content and the want to communicate seems to have gone down drastically.. well where is the time to, when people are so engrossed in doing what they don't want to do most of the time!

anyway, decades back being in love wouldn't have been so complicated... when the means to communicate were lesser the want to do the same might have been more.. waiting for what feels like a lifetime to get a glimpse of the person u love for a moment, the sneaking away from home to talk for a little while, hiding off in the small by-lanes just so to hold hands, going through all those hardships just to steal a kiss,  is there any reason why all this is lost now?

maybe because i am from kerala, i find those early morning visits to temples to be more of a romantic thing than devotional.Or maybe it's just me. the aura around these temples somehow makes me feel different. it's not something that i can explain.. it's something that needs to be felt... maybe that's what makes me imagine my girl in that white 'set saree', long wet hair and that sandal-mark on her forehead... i like all of it.. i do because that is what i have seen and what i have liked. similar is the feeling when i am at temple ulsavams and poorams...the aura that these things have around them is something that everyone should feel at least once.. i like to imagine that she will be somewhere among the crowd, that sound of the 'panchavadhyam' in the backdrop and when i meet i her i could secretly hold her hand among the huge crowd... this is what i like to imagine because there is that malayali in me who wants to live like that. it's what i am. the time if i meet my girl secretly near those steps of  a 'kulam' and we could talk endlessly till someone comes across searching for either one of us..i dont know, all these used to be once what being in love was all about. i have grown up imagining, seeing all these and it's all a different experince from texting on mobile phones and meeting up at CCDs and Baristas. it's an experience that feels much close to heart.

i seriously wish i could roll back in life to that time when all this is what it was all about.. there's a lot more of my imaginations of the mushy love that i want to experience and call me old-fashioned or psycho or filmy or whatever, but when i meet my girl, she is going with me to that pooram held on the banks of 'bharathapuzha' by the 'ayyappankavu' next to my 'tharavadu', she is walking with me early morning to the 'ambalam' wearing that golden bordered 'set saree' of hers. there's something in me that wants me to live that life i have imagined and that is what makes me hopelessly cheezy and crazy about the girl i love and i like it like that.